'There is an inherent risk in eating.'

As the end-of-the year eating season starts to build steam, I thought I would pass along some public service-type ideas with regard to salmonella.


First of all, Sal Monella is not a movie star from the 1960s. That was Sal Mineo, who starred in “Exodus,” and went on to be killed in a robbery on Feb. 12, 1976. I think he was one of the eight billion stars in “The Longest Day,” as well. One should not confuse one’s Sals.

Also, let us clear up any connection between salmonella and salmon, except to say that the research assistant who discovered this strain of bacteria was named Daniel E. Salmon. How cool is that – to have your surname transmogrified into a popular(?) disease. The resultant condition is called salmonellosis. Ironically, Daniel’s wife was named Ella. She soon left Daniel for a cooler, less geeky research assistant, Lance Diabetes.

It is the second most frequent cause of food-borne intestinal poisoning; causing diarrhea. The CDC believes the incidents are greatly under-reported (like only 3 percent of the cases) because people don’t like to talk that much about having the squirts. This talk is most often kept in the family.

The first most frequent cause of intestinal poising is eating. A spokesman for peanut butter is quoted as saying, “You can’t say any food is completely safe. There’s an inherent risk in eating.”

Gotta love those defensive spokesmen for foods that make news for bearing bad bacteria.

Apparently, all reptiles should have a warning sticker on them from the federal government that indicates these animals can carry and shed salmonella bacteria. Tortoises are included in this possibility, and there is no way known to eradicate the bacteria from the animal.

So, like with the swine flu, this means a lot of hand-washing is in order, as well as the general avoidance of allowing one’s tortoise to romp on the kitchen counter among the raw chicken pieces scattered there, left at room temperature for the better part of a day with milk residue and raw egg whites sloshed on the wooden cutting board.

Speaking of chicken, half of the chicken sold in America carries salmonella. This comes as no surprise since chickens thrive and laugh more when they are living in their own poop. Cooking is what takes care of the salmonella we voluntarily carry into our homes on a weekly basis.

Other foods that salmonella bacteria enjoy include poultry in general, pork, alfalfa sprouts and an estimated one in 20,000 eggs.

Salmonella has to make its way into the intestines through the mouth, so touching a tortoise and licking your fingers is not advised. Once you have touched a tortoise, your unwashed hands or clothes can carry the bacteria to someone else, so it is also advised to avoid licking the fingers of someone else who has just touched a tortoise – even if it is your tortoise and the animal seems too cute to cause the runs.