My Tortoise the Food Processor

Two magic words will keep all of my 11-year-old daughter’s friends from wanting to hold or handle my tortoise: He poops.


The ick factor is very significant among this demographic.

Possibly for the same reason that we don’t keep our toilets in our living rooms, Ilarion seems to prefer to poop in other places besides his enclosure.

It is advised that Russian tortoises be soaked in a warm, belly-deep bath for about 20 minutes twice a week. Ilarion uses this opportunity to read the comics, review the information on the back of a deodorant can, and poop.

Also, whenever I let him sit on my stomach with my hands folded over him for a hide box, he will occasionally leave a log on my shirt. We’re talking a pencil-thin dropping here.

Tortoises have some unique anatomical features, not the least of which is their digestive system.

Russian tortoises, as well as other species that naturally dwell in arid terrain, have a couple of adaptations in their innards.

They are able to absorb every last hint of moisture from the food they eat. Ilarion doesn’t really chew his food. He pretty much bites and swallows, so already you can see that the stomach is an effective food processor.

The stomach is followed by a “hindgut” system that further absorbs moisture from the food that has already gone one round in the primary stomach.

Although I keep a saucer of water in Ilarion’s enclosure, I have never seen him take a drink from it, nor try to get into it. When I give him his warm soakings, I have yet to see him sip from this water either.

I suspect he is sneaking out at night and going to water keggers on the outskirts of town.

The other anomaly regarding digestive anatomy is the excretion of urine. Russians do not leave a puddle. Obviously, you don’t want all of your body’s water being peed out onto the desert sand or the arid steppe. Didn’t you read “Dune”? Uric acid is released instead as a whitish glop, much like bird poop, or, if you prefer, toothpaste.

Thus, his Number 1 is more like a 1.5.

As waste product systems go, this one works nicely for the tortoise and the pet owner as well. Not much muss; not much fuss.