Amazing story conitnued ...

Of course, only avid readers of The Enquirer would believe that my Russian tortoise shucked or unzipped his shell, scampered around the house without it like a lizard-man escaped from P.T. Barnum's circus, then settled himself back into his shell.


Other than the famous batboy, one of my favorite Enquirer headline is: "Ancient Skull Talks and Sings to Scientists."

"Man's Tortoise Leads Double, Shell-free, Life," would rank right up there, I think.

I posted the previous tortoise fiction to raise the point that it is very difficult for us to get away from the very inaccurate and cartoonie idea that a tortoise lives inside his or her shell, like, say, a dog lives in a doghouse.

To my knowledge, only a hermit crab lives outside of its shell of choice, and that ever so briefly until it finds a suitable (tight fitting) abandoned seashell in which to seal itself from predators and to retain moisture. One of the more famous hermit crabs was "Crusty," in the 1964 Don Knotts film, "The Incredible Mr. Limpet." (Even though listed as a family comedy, parts of it scared the 7-year-old me at the drive-in.)

Henry Limpet wants to be a fish ... "I wish, I wish I were a fish," and it happens. Live-action Don Knotts becomes a cartoon fish and even garners a girlfriend, "Ladyfish."

Crusty is a friend and helper.

Great line from the movie -- Limpet: "Do you suppose that we could just be more or less friends?" Ladyfish: "Friends? But wouldn't that be more or less nothing, Limpet?"

Anyway, tortoises (and snails) do not inhabit or borrow or wear their shells, any more than you could say that a person lives inside their rib cage, or inside their skin.

The bone structure of the tortoise is unique and amazing, as the backbone and ribs of the animal are grown into or fused with the shell. The tortoise will have a line of "scutes," (from the Latin "scutum" or shield) which are the visible segments or plates of the shell, along the backbone. These are called, oddly enough, vertebrals. Along either side of the vertebrals is a row of "pleurals." The outermost scutes that skirt the tortoise are called marginals.

That's it. Just the three rows. Not endless numberless scute upon scute. Even the giant tortoises have the three rows, they are just bigger.

If a tortoise is out of its shell, it is not in the shower. It is dead.

Two months together, and only one unusual occurence

Yesterday marked the end of the second month that Ilarion has existed under my care. Given the many sources of inaccurate, incomplete and mythological information on Russian tortoise husbandry, this two months is something of a miracle for both of us.
The only thing exceptional so far was the night before last, when I caught Ilarion cruising around without his shell.

Here was his strange little brown, yellow and green body – looking like no other creature I have ever seen, scampering around his estate, with his shell left parked on the far side of his little bridge (handcrafted, I might add).
We are apparently to look for oddities such as this once in a blue moon, one of which we are actually having this month. Check your calendar: Full moons on the second AND the thirty-first. (Second one in a month is the blue moon. Very rare. Only happens once every blue moon.)
So, anyway, here is Ilarion, sans shell, climbing more like a monkey all over his estate. His yellowed inside-shell skin looked like uncooked chicken skin. His forelegs looked like he was wearing a woven shirt from the days of the Renaissance. Big sleeves, you know.
With what wondering eyes did I watch as my tortoise – or most of him – reached one of his four-toed feet through the covering, pushed it open, hoisted himself onto the roof, smiled at me and began to dance while singing, “Hello my honey …”
Believe it or not … (more anon).